How do I describe my last few months? Changed. Different. Heart breaking. Wrong. Lots of words come to mind. None really seem to fit yet they all fit perfectly. I've been stronger than I have ever been before, but weaker at the same time. I have been so blessed to have family and friends that have surrounded me in this upheaval. I couldn't ask for a better support system.
However, this mess has also caused my stubborn independent streak to blaze to life. With a vengeance. It has been so hard to accept other people's help. I know I'm not receiving handouts, but I don't want to be that single mother who can't provide for her beautiful daughter on her own. I want to give her everything she ever wanted. I want her to have her own room. I want her to have those Barbies and monster trucks to play with. I want her to go to sleep and dream of Dora and Super Why and Lightning McQueen. And I want to do it on my own. I don't know why. I just do. It's who I am. I know, I'm supposed to accept people's help graciously. And I do, I think. I guess I just don't want to be in this situation where I need people's help. Remember that independent streak? Yeah. Burning like the sun.
This isn't what I wanted for my baby. She's so young. She can't understand why Mommy cries every now and then. Why her Daddy can't come home. Why she has to draw pictures to send him and that she can't just show him the picture she drew for him on her Etch-a-Sketch. Where is the white-picket fence around the front yard where she plays and plays and plays? Where are the Mommy and Daddy sitting around the table at dinner time discussing her day at school with her? Those were my dreams for her. Those broken, shattered dreams.
But I will continue to do my best for her. I will stay strong for her. I will finish school for her. I'm so stinking close, I can taste it. I will scrimp and save and make my lunch every day so we can once again have a place of our own. So she can have her own bedroom. So she can have that front yard. So she can sleep peacefully knowing that Mommy and Daddy love her more than anything. I will create new dreams for her. This is just the beginning.
About Me
- Melissa
- I'm a mother to a very busy, adorable, goofy, spunky, smart, funny, teeny-tiny little girl. She keeps me on my toes and I love every second of it. We have way too much fun together.
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Friday, October 26, 2012
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
The Flower Girl and the Christmas Tree
Helping Daddy cut down the tree. "Good job Daddy! You can do it!"
Thursday, December 1, 2011
December 1st
December 1st marks the official start of the Christmas season. At least in my family's book it does. No Christmas talk until after Mom's birthday (Nov. 30).
So what did I do when I got into work today? Cranked up the Christmas music of course!
John Denver and the Muppets? Check!!
Sarah McLachlan's Wintersong cd? Check!
Martina McBride's Christmas stuff? Check and check!
I've heard the "Christmas is Coming" Muppet song about 14 times by now, and I'm still loving it. Are my coworkers enjoying my singing? Probably not. Oh well. It's only for about 3 weeks or so. I've got my hot chocolate and plenty of Andes Mints to stir in. Mmm!
This weekend is supposed to be nice, sunny and crisp. With highs in the upper 40's, it won't necessarily be warm, but it will be great weather to get those Christmas lights up! We probably won't see weather like this again until June. Better take advantage of it. Besides, who want's to put Christmas lights up in June?
I can't wait to take Lily and go hunt down that perfect Christmas Tree. You know, that one that has that beam of sunshine shining down while the angels sing "Aaaahhhhhhh". Yeah, that one. Can't wait to find it!
What traditions are you looking foward to this Christmas?
So what did I do when I got into work today? Cranked up the Christmas music of course!
John Denver and the Muppets? Check!!
Sarah McLachlan's Wintersong cd? Check!
Martina McBride's Christmas stuff? Check and check!
I've heard the "Christmas is Coming" Muppet song about 14 times by now, and I'm still loving it. Are my coworkers enjoying my singing? Probably not. Oh well. It's only for about 3 weeks or so. I've got my hot chocolate and plenty of Andes Mints to stir in. Mmm!
My next hurdle is Christmas shopping. I don't know if you know, but I'm starting school on Dec 12th. It's night school. That doesn't leave much room for shopping. There are a few things that I'll be sewing/creating on my own (yikes!), but times is running out very quickly to get those wrapped up (pun intended).
This weekend is supposed to be nice, sunny and crisp. With highs in the upper 40's, it won't necessarily be warm, but it will be great weather to get those Christmas lights up! We probably won't see weather like this again until June. Better take advantage of it. Besides, who want's to put Christmas lights up in June?
I can't wait to take Lily and go hunt down that perfect Christmas Tree. You know, that one that has that beam of sunshine shining down while the angels sing "Aaaahhhhhhh". Yeah, that one. Can't wait to find it!
What traditions are you looking foward to this Christmas?
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Crayons and Scrubbing
Last night my little girl learned a valuable lesson on how to clean crayon off the walls.
She was sitting at her picnic table innocently coloring her pages (so I thought). I was cozy on the couch watching whatever I was watching. A familiar "scratch scratch" got me up off the couch and into the dining room to inspect the damage.
I decided to test out the stuff we learned in our Love and Logic classes that we've been taking.
First, she had to sit on the stairs (her timeout spot) for a minute or two. Then I told her that she's going to have to figure out how to clean the crayon off the wall.
Her first idea (a dry paper towel) didnt work. So what's better than a dry paper towel? A wet paper towel! Nope, didnt work. We even tried the Green Works cleaner. Honestly, I think the dry paper towel may have had a better effect.
The next plan was for her to call Grammy and ask her if she knew how to get crayon off the walls. I dialed Grammy, put it on speaker and let Lily do the talking (with a little prompting). Grammy gave her a suggestion, and she proceeded to scrub the crayon off the walls (Mommy helped a little).
I think it worked. Even though I think she kind of enjoyed figuring out how to fix this, she learned some lessons.
I mentioned it again this morning and asked her what she learned from the experience and she said "Don't color on the walls, or you have to scrub, scrub, scrub!"
Success? In my opinion, yes!
She was sitting at her picnic table innocently coloring her pages (so I thought). I was cozy on the couch watching whatever I was watching. A familiar "scratch scratch" got me up off the couch and into the dining room to inspect the damage.
I decided to test out the stuff we learned in our Love and Logic classes that we've been taking.
First, she had to sit on the stairs (her timeout spot) for a minute or two. Then I told her that she's going to have to figure out how to clean the crayon off the wall.
Her first idea (a dry paper towel) didnt work. So what's better than a dry paper towel? A wet paper towel! Nope, didnt work. We even tried the Green Works cleaner. Honestly, I think the dry paper towel may have had a better effect.
The next plan was for her to call Grammy and ask her if she knew how to get crayon off the walls. I dialed Grammy, put it on speaker and let Lily do the talking (with a little prompting). Grammy gave her a suggestion, and she proceeded to scrub the crayon off the walls (Mommy helped a little).
I think it worked. Even though I think she kind of enjoyed figuring out how to fix this, she learned some lessons.
I mentioned it again this morning and asked her what she learned from the experience and she said "Don't color on the walls, or you have to scrub, scrub, scrub!"
Success? In my opinion, yes!
Friday, November 4, 2011
5 Years
5 Years ago, I married this crazy, kooky guy. We've had quite the adventure together so far.
I've been blessed to have him in my life. He's an amazing husband.
And a fantastic father to our beautiful little girl.
I wouldn't have it any other way. Here's to many many MANY more! I love you!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Happy Halloween!
Lily has been talking about how she's going to be a kitty for Halloween for the past week or two. She's been so excited. Especially since it was her first Halloween all over again.
Honestly, those first couple Halloweens don't count. You know, those ones where the parent carries around a baby in an oversized lobster or something and the kid just becomes an accessory to the parent's costume?
So she was really excited when she got to have makeup AND ears on. At the same time! She really did turn out to be the cutest kitty of all time. (Not biased. Nope. Not at all.)
We went downtown Newberg to Trick or Treat on First Street. We got there right at 5pm, right when it started. I wanted to try as hard as possible to miss out on the big crowds that seem to accumulate as the night wears on.
We all ended up wearing black and drawing whiskers on our faces. One of us had a little more fun with the makeup than the other two (girls) did. But we won't linger on that.
It didn't take long for Miss Lily to get into the Halloween spirit. The first couple stops, they got a tight-lipped shake of the head when we said "Say Trick or Treat!". But she quickly caught on that if she said the magic words, she'd get candy, candy and more candy. We went home with a grocery bag full of candy, mini pumpkins, glow bracelets, and stickers.
Hope you all had a great Halloween! We sure did!
Honestly, those first couple Halloweens don't count. You know, those ones where the parent carries around a baby in an oversized lobster or something and the kid just becomes an accessory to the parent's costume?
So she was really excited when she got to have makeup AND ears on. At the same time! She really did turn out to be the cutest kitty of all time. (Not biased. Nope. Not at all.)
We went downtown Newberg to Trick or Treat on First Street. We got there right at 5pm, right when it started. I wanted to try as hard as possible to miss out on the big crowds that seem to accumulate as the night wears on.
We all ended up wearing black and drawing whiskers on our faces. One of us had a little more fun with the makeup than the other two (girls) did. But we won't linger on that.
It didn't take long for Miss Lily to get into the Halloween spirit. The first couple stops, they got a tight-lipped shake of the head when we said "Say Trick or Treat!". But she quickly caught on that if she said the magic words, she'd get candy, candy and more candy. We went home with a grocery bag full of candy, mini pumpkins, glow bracelets, and stickers.
Next stop was the church's Harvest Party. We chowed down on hot dogs, chips, and grape Koolaid. There were games, bouncy houses, and a cake walk (which she won).
There was a special section for kids under 6 that had slides and other fun things to play on. We had a hard time peeling her away from the slides to do some more trick-or-treating around the church.Hope you all had a great Halloween! We sure did!
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